I think last time I posted, I was talking about how scared I was. Well.. I did it! I got through it. Again, thank you so much to everyone who wished me luck and was thinking of me as it really helped me! I’ve pretty much decided this post will be a sort of walk through of the day.. and bits and pieces I remember; please don’t expect much as it’s all quite vague! Also, side note – in the UK they are called an Anaesthetist in the US they are called an Anesthesiologist, so please, no comments correcting me on that one!
Oh before I continue.. Here’s a quick pic of the drink I had to drink for bowel prep.. Yuck! But NOWHERE near as bad as the Sigmoidoscopy prep which I didn’t complete properly!
And one of me looking pretty pleased with myself after having a mini breakdown before I drank it and telling my Mum she had to say words of encouragement! Which she did! She’s funny, I love her! Oops almost forgot to mention I had to drink two lots of this drink, the second one I drank later on. There had to be a 4-6 hour gap in between the drinks.
I even got it down my vest top… Attractive! I was drinking it SO fast!
On to the good stuff..
The night before my surgery, I was heavily freaking out and couldn’t sleep properly and I had to keep reminding myself how incredibly skilled my surgeon is and also my other surgeon who was to be operating on the day. Mum said to me, imagine how you would feel if you were at the other hospital (it’s basically condemned.. you go in and don’t come out), and then she said oh, actually you wouldn’t even be treated there, I would have you moved. So she made me laugh about that. I think I was tweeting a lot the evening before and obsessing a lot with Candy Crush and getting mad because I’m stuck on level 135 – it’s so frustrating!
I felt a lot calmer after I’d been on FaceTime to my boyfriend and our puppy, it was hard being away from them but it was so great being at my Mum’s.. I really hope everyone has an amazing support network like I have. If you haven’t.. EMAIL ME! No-one should have to go through this drama without someone being there for them whether it’s by their side or just knowing someone is thinking of you and hoping you’re ok.
I wake up in the morning at around 7? Which was quite early and I tried to go back to sleep for a bit and then at 8 I got up and ran myself a bath as I’d decided the evening before with the help of the Endo Dolls on twitter that it would help relax me in the morning. Oh boy, am I so glad I took their advice! I’d been stressing out so much it had caused the world’s biggest pain flare – I’d seriously felt nothing like it. The moment my back touched that warm, heavenly soothing water, I just felt every inch of my body relax. As a lot of you should be aware by now, I use makeup application as pain relief these days so the fact I’d chosen to wash and curl my hair on the day really helped me seen as though you are not allowed to wear makeup on the day of surgery! I got out of the bath, wrapped a towel on my head, sat down in front of the mirror, towel dried my hair and wrapped it back up in the towel on top of my head. I then applied my AMAZING Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Cream moisturiser – this stuff is incredible. It’s pure 24 hour hydration. I thought, I need this.. I need to look good when I wake up! Thank god I did, my skin felt so soft and had a healthy glow to it! I then began to dry and curl my hair. After I did this, I had to break the rules slightly and put my eyebrow make up on.. There was no way I was leaving the house without those bad boys sketched on! As soon as I had done this, I felt much better. There was even time for me to take a snapshot..
Then I remembered that I still hadn’t finished packing my bag for hospital yet. Always last minute! It’s the best way. I thought I would just give a quick breakdown of the amount of stuff I take with me that I don’t even need or use.. There’s also a couple of photo’s. There is honestly no need for all this stuff.. well, I needed it. I treat the hospital as a holiday, it’s the only way I get through it without going insane.
As you can see I had my special Endo bag to take with me, it says on it ‘I fight like a girl’.. Hell yeah, I do! That’s the bag my boyfriend bought for me, if anyone remembers that from a previous blog post! Packed inside I had:
The post surgery purple pants that my boyfriend bought me which I wore to my sigmoidoscopy
A variety of different vest tops – all white.. I just have a thing about white tees in hospital!
Pyjama bottoms – two pairs of polka dot ones – love a bit of polka dot
Some shorts (they look hot with the hospital stockings haha – you have to stay looking good right?)
Fresh underwear – I took way more than what I needed but hey, I wasn’t sure how long I would be staying!
My amazing customised Barbie hairbrush
Make Up – Foundation, Brows, Gel eyeliner, Selection of eyeshadows, 6 Different lipsticks, Mascara, Face powder, Bronzer, Blusher, Concealer
Make Up brushes – freshly cleaned
Kiehl’s Lip Balm
Socks – couple of pairs of normal, never matching and a pair of fluffy socks for comfort
Sanitary Towels – Always pack these.. hospital one’s are awful
Some mini packs of cereal
Books pre-downloaded onto iPhone
Dressing Gown – my fave Ted Baker one which is a thin one, I always get too hot in hospital, and it was purely for going down to surgery in
Hair bobble and a few hair grips
Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Oil-Free Cleanser, Blue Herbal Gel Spot Treatment (just incase I got a breakout) and Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Cream
My Clarisonic – oh wow.. can’t live without
Photo album of my boyfriend, me and our bear
Ariel the Little Mermaid Doll
and my beloved MaliBuBu monkey which was the first cute bear my boyfriend ever bought me
So yes.. that’s my Surgery bag list.. probably way over the top but.. it makes me feel more secure! I’d feel like I’d forgotten something if I didn’t overpack. Like I said.. I treat my little hospital vists as a mini holiday haha!
Outfit choice for the hospital.. in your face, leopard print leggings to distract from my face with no makeup on, cute little flats embellished with jewels and a loose white tee. You can just about see my curled hair on that snapshot!
So that was it.. I was ready.. I took my bags to the car and got in the passenger side. Instantly lit a cigarette – I needed to, I was starting to freak out – all that was going through my head was the thought of a colostomy bag, I kept trying to be positive but it was pretty damn hard. Again, thank you to everyone who sent me positive, supportive messages; they helped a lot. We got stuck behind a number of slow ass drivers but I was secretly grateful because it was delaying the fact I had surgery. I had to be at the hospital for 11, but I’m a Virgo and so is my Mum so we were early, which I would much rather be so I can get mentally prepared and not feel flustered. We got there and the world’s tiniest car park was filling up fast, but luckily there was a slot as soon as we got in and Mum parked the car pretty niftily, she then went to get a car park ticket whilst I lit up yet another cigarette and had a little cry in the car. Mum came back and sat there whilst I finished it and was joking with me asking where my sunglasses were – I knew I’d forgotten something! Joking. Could have done with them though, felt bloody shocking without my makeup and didn’t want to bump into anyone I knew!
So we leave the car and begin to head inside and then I just froze and burst into tears and told Mum that I can’t do it and I need to go home now, I’ll learn to live with the pain, it’s okay. She gave me a hug and told me it will all be over soon and started walking me across the road towards the hospital. Passed a few pregnant women on the way in and all I could think of was,’Oh FUCK OFF’, when usually I wouldn’t think like that! They could be pregnant with IVF babies or had an incredibly long struggle – who am I to be nasty? But I was just scared, and I take back what went through my mind. But then they could just as easily have 18 children at home and drink cider all day. Yeah.. I did carry on being nasty in my head. I do think hospitals should consider moving the units. Just going to have an operation on my mashed up reproductive organs and walk past every fertile woman known to mankind, cheers for that.
We get to the lift and I think I’d started talking absolute crap, like the time I used to be majorly scared of needles (so used to them now) and I had to have an injection at school and I was talking about the time I went to the zoo just to distract myself. Like I talk absolute bullsh*t when I’m scared. I have no idea what I was going on about to my Mum though. We get up to the 5th floor (ironically, the floor I was born on – well, I was born in theatre – ha Drama queen 😉 but 5th floor was the floor babies were on!), where Jasmine Suite is based and all my favourite nurses work! Ah see, I’m talking rubbish again just because I can remember how scared I was! As we get out of the lift and start walking down the corridor, I’m walking incredibly slowly, like I genuinely believe a tortoise would have overtaken me the speed I was going at! I told Mum I would feel a lot calmer if I knew my favourite nurse was working – turns out she was! Talk about that calming me down! We get to the ward reception bay and my bed wasn’t quite ready but I didn’t care, I was way early – think it was like half 10. We went and sat in the day room until it was ready.. and then after reading a few magazines and having a chat, a pretty lady walked in with who I assumed to be her partner. She looked as scared as me! After a few minutes, I think I asked her if she was here for surgery too? She said that yes, she was and I told her I was really scared, she agreed telling me she was too! Then she turns and asks me if I’m the woman with the blog? I said that I have a blog, yes! She said oh you are, I was reading your blog last night!
Can we just take a moment here dolls.. This made me SO happy! The lady wasn’t having treatment for Endometriosis, she was having something else done (I won’t say what, people’s privacy etc) but to know that my blog had reached someone! She said it made her feel a bit better knowing she wasn’t the only one who was scared, I wanted to tell her it made me feel a bit better knowing she had read my blog, that my blog is actually doing some good! I did see her briefly after the surgery – and I’m sure I asked her her name but jeez I was so petrified that day, her name has totally escaped me (not that I would print it here without her permission anyway!) but it would be really nice if I could remember it! Anyway, she was a really lovely woman and looked amazing even though she was about to have terrifying surgery!
I then hear my name being called to tell me my bed is ready, so Mum comes with me (she did NOT care if she was about to get thrown out, she could see how scared I was – I was totally more scared than my first surgery purely because of the risk of a colostomy bag). She pulls the curtain around my bed and I got changed into the beautiful hospital gowns (yuck!) that they make you wear, last time I had a pink one and this time a blue one.. bit gutted but Mum pointed out it matched my hospital gown, so that made me feel happier! I then started getting worried that Mum was going to be told to go, so I said let’s go back in the dayroom for a bit!
Here’s a few snapshots of my dressing gown and hospital gown – attractive. BLAH! I began to get quite tired and in pain as I was stressing out, so we went back to my allocated bed within a few minutes Mr George turned up and spoke to me about everything and made sure I was okay, made me laugh a few times too. He’s brilliant!
I can’t remember too much about the order of events for the next bit but I remember just talking with my Mum until I had to have my bloods taken, this was where I had to say bye to my Mum and I got really upset and didn’t want her to go!
Here’s a snapshot of my view after my bloods were taken, as you can see Mali Bu Bu and Ariel are keeping me company! Shortly after this, the Anaesthetist who would be working alongside my main Anaesthetist (Mrs. Wilson) came to see me and asked me a ton of questions and made sure I was okay – she was brilliant, really went through everything with me and just had a general chat too! Then Dr. Wilson came to see me and, oh she was just fantastic! Such a cheeky little face and bubbly smile, she really put me at ease. I knew it would be Dr. Wilson as my Dad had told me it would be because he knows a few of the doctors at the hospital and he’d found out!
I vaguely remember being called down to surgery at around half 12 and I was taken down by one of the student nurses, she was really lovely and kept talking to me to keep me calm. When I got down there it was a bit different to the last time I had surgery, perhaps because it was an afternoon surgery? This time I was seated at a little table whilst I had to answer a ton of the same questions I’d been asked upstairs, I don’t mind this obviously, it’s great to know they do the correct checks! They then left me to it whilst I waited to be called through. Then ANOTHER Anaesthetist came to check my details and introduced herself! I was then taken through and I almost started crying again, just as we walked around the corner at the swinging doors into the ‘Going To Sleep room’ – sorry guys, I just have no idea what to call it – Mr Geprge and Mr Rai were outside the door speaking with Mrs Wilson. I instantly didn’t want to cry in front of my surgeons, I didn’t want them to think I was a baby haha, how RIDICULOUS right! They said hello and I was in a kind of daydream so I kind of smiled and just carried on walking, my heart was absolutely racing and I was trying to slow my breathing down.
When I got through the doors, it was a room larger than the one I’d been in last time (I must have been in a larger Operating Theatre or something as it was a dual surgery), I was told by a really nice man to get on the bed and get comfy. In the room there was – hang on, let me just count this out… Five Anaesthetist ‘s in the room, all having a good chat with me and making me laugh. As I lay down on the bed, one of them moved my hair back and said some nice words (I can’t quite remember what) as I was crying because I was scared, not like heaving crying, more tears just rolling down my face! Another got me a tissue and said everything was going to be just great. I was in there about 10 minutes just lying down having a chat and things, whilst they put one of those horribly large cannula’s into my left hand and then as they were placing that into my hand, a friendly face popped up over the side! It was my Dad’s customer (he’s a gentleman’s hairdresser) who also happened to be an Anaesthetist – he was dressed in a suit and he said, ‘My haircut’s bloody terrible’, which made me laugh and he said he’d just come to check I was okay! I was like I am now! I meant because I’d seen him, it was nice seeing someone I knew!
So then everyone started talking to me at once about how we knew each other and then Mrs / Dr Wilson (Head Anaesthetist, I’m guessing. I have NO idea what the correct term is, I am not medically educated!) walked in with her chirpy voice saying, ‘I’ve been told we have a VIP here and we are to take EXTRA special care of you’, I started laughing and didn’t really say anything as at this point I was breathing this stuff in slowly through one of those oxygen masks (It probably was oxygen with the stuff they put in to keep you asleep and drowsy) and she was putting something into my cannula. She said Dr Adamson has been along and told us all we are to take extra care of you. Now, I have no idea who Dr Adamson is but from what I’ve gathered since he’s pretty high up at the hospital and my Dad also cuts HIS hair! So by this point I am so high on the meds I really am starting to drift off which is great because a part of me did think, oh shit what if I’m still awake and yet I can’t tell them I’m awake! After this, I honestly don’t remember anything else until I woke up.. but as we are at 3172 words already.. I’m going to leave it there.. I don’t want you all getting bored!
For those that don’t speak to me on Twitter or Facebook, you will have to wait and see what the outcome is! I will post the second part in a few days, I promise! But I’ve been having a few setbacks lately which is why this blog post has been delayed ever so much.
Drifting off to a thoughtless sleep.. No dreams..